Recommended Reading: Postive Discipline: The First Three Years

I stumbled upon this book, Positive Discipline: The First Three Years, at the library a few months ago. My little one wasn't really having any discipline problems since he was only about 7 or 8 months old at the time, but I read a few pages and liked what I saw so I added it to my pile. After reading a bit more when I got home I soon couldn't put the book down and was giving my husband a summary of my reading every night before we went to bed. I don't know how many people I have already recommended this book to (probably more often unsolicited than not), but I just loved the information so much that I have wanted to share it with everyone.

This particular copy is just one of a whole series by the same author(s). You can read more about it on her website here. I plan to read more of her books as the little one grows and probably will re-read them again as we have more children, but The First Three Years was a great way to start. The book first spends several chapters discussing what discipline really is, how it is different from punishment, and how it should be used.  Then, it goes on to give the reader a much deeper understanding of behavior in infants and toddlers (in other words, why the do what they do). The authors do an excellent job explaining that what is often mistaken as misbehavior is almost always normal, age-appropriate behavior, especially when it comes to toddlers and infants. They talk about why time-out and using the word "no" don't have the effect adults expect them to, and why your child repeatedly does the same thing over and over and over, even though you have told them countless times not to.

Throughout the book we are reminded to use "kindness but firmness" and to especially utilize "redirection" when disciplining children. It also emphasizes the need children, especially toddlers, have to be in control and do things on their own, and gives lots of examples of how a parent can give their children choices that allow them to explore their own autonomy while at the same time establishing boundaries and guidelines that will teach the children to act appropriately at home and in society.

I think sometimes, parents have the idea that they should "just know" how to be a parent and they learn by trial and error, hoping for the best. Maybe they feel its a sign of weakness to ask for help or advice, but a point that this book makes is that for any other profession there is always schooling and training involved until the person can understand and complete their tasks. Why don't we do the same for parenting? There is nothing wrong with reading books, taking classes or asking for help and advice (as long as we use our own good judgment and don't try to implement everything everyone teaches us whether or not we agree with it).

I can't say enough good about this book. I would whole-heartedly recommend it to any parent, grandparent, aunt or uncle, babysitter, or even just anyone wanting to better understand children. Not only will it change your perspective when it comes to your own children, but also when you see other peoples' children, especially the tantrum-throwing ones at the grocery store (tantrums, by the way are not a sign of misbehavior, but normal, age-appropriate behavior, and this book gives great ideas on how to handle them).

I found this copy at my local library, but you can buy it online or probably at most book stores. It is a fairly quick read but still full of great information. I hope you'll check it out!