Before and After: Sport Coat to Tote Bag Refashion

We bought a sport coat for Phil to wear with his Halloween costume. Even though I found it at a thrift store it was still $10, which seemed a little expensive to me, but we needed it so I paid the price. Once Halloween was over and I started putting things away I wondered what we would do with it. I hated to just send it back to the thrift store since I didn't feel I had quite gotten my whole $10 back, so I started thinking of things I might be able to use it for. The coat itself, although it was too big for Phil and not really his style, was made of 100% wool with a nice lining and was still in really good shape, so I decided to turn it into a tote bag.

Before:

This is the first time I have ever sewn a bag, let alone one made out of an old coat and leather (I wasn't sure if my machine could handle it but is sewed right through that leather like it was butter)! It took a bit of trial and error figuring out the size of everything so that it the finished product was half decent, but I love how it turned out and think its a fun accessory for fall and winter. I especially love the lining, which of course came from the original coat lining and still has all of the original jacket pockets.

After:

I am hoping to post a full tutorial soon, but there are A LOT of steps for this one so its taking me a while to write it all out. For now, I hope it just inspires you to think twice before you fill up that goodwill bag and repurpose your old things!

Money Wise: The Credit Card

Note: I originally wrote this and other posts about our finances on a personal blog but have decided to share them here. The original publishing date is shown below.  

4/21/14

Like so many, Phil and I have had our share of credit cards. I got my first card when I was 18 and getting ready to go to college. It was a Capital One card with something like a $300 credit limit. My mom, who like the majority of us believed the myth that we all need a credit card to build our credit, allowed me to apply for it. Don't get me wrong, my mom did nothing wrong here, she didn't know any better and neither did I. We have all been ingrained with the idea that we need a credit score to do anything; it's only recently that my mom and I both have learned that that is not true. My mom did have the wisdom, however, to teach me to use my credit card carefully. I used it only a couple times a month to buy gas and groceries and then always paid it off in full.

Later, when Phil and I got married, we opened a joint checking and savings account with Wells Fargo, and each got a credit card through them. Looking back now, I don't even remember asking for a credit card, it seems like it was just part of the package and we signed away. I don't blame Wells Fargo either, their bankers are just doing their job. And most of them probably believe you need a credit score too. 

We never considered not using our cards, at least not at first. We continued to use them as I always had, buying the things we needed anyway and then paying them off in full every month. We never carried a balance, and we had the "benefit" of getting 1% cash back on all our purchases. That is not a lot, but, we told ourselves, if we were buying it anyway why not make a little money while doing it?

You are probably wondering why, if we always paid off our cards and received cash back, is it a big deal? Why close them? Well, that was our feeling too, for a long time. Actually, until about a month ago. We have known for a while that once Phil graduated we would get super intense and pay off all our debt as fast as possible, and the closer it gets to that time the more excited I am to get going on it (we can't start yet because we don't have an income and need to save everything we can for moving expenses once he starts a new job). We really want to be debt free, and even though we have never carried a  balance on our cards, we came to a realization that to keep using them was kind of counter to our goals. When you use a credit card, you are borrowing money. It doesn't matter if you pay it off right away, you are still borrowing it. And we are done borrowing money. No more. Ever. I don't want to worry about the "what ifs" any more. When you pay for things with money that you actually have, you never have to worry. You never have to worry about paying it back, or interest rates, or missing a bill, or not having enough, because YOU HAVE ENOUGH!

So, we cut up our cards (two Wells Fargo cards and a Target card, I had closed my Capital One card previously) and even though we still have our student loans to pay off, I feel even closer to our goal. 

Luke's Birth

Today is our little man's first birthday. I can't believe it has been one year already. I know moms say things like that all the time, but really. ONE YEAR. What happened to my baby? Looking back over the past year I just feel so lucky to have this little guy in our family. He makes us smile every single day and I can never get enough hugs and snuggles.

Pregnancy wasn't really that fun, and labor was definitely not my favorite. But looking back now, I would do it all again (and I guess I probably will) in a heartbeat. My first labor and delivery wasn't exactly as I hoped it would be, but really, does a baby ever come exactly the way one hopes? All that really mattered in the end is that he made it here safely.

My due date was December 2,  so as it came inching closer I was sure getting antsy. I really wanted to deliver Luke naturally. I had read about my different options, and taken some classes and I just felt like I wanted to be in control. I didn't want to have to worry about having a bad reaction to the epidural or not being able to feel anything, so we had been prepping to manage the pain drug free.

Unfortunately, I tested positive (as about 50% of women do) for Group B Strep, so my doctor kept reminding me that if my water broke I needed to hurry in to the hospital to get on antibiotics right away. Well, my water did break at home, and we hurried in, but I wasn't really having contractions. Since there is a small window of time once your water breaks that they baby needs to be delivered in, they had to start me on pitocin to get things going. I was ok with that since it was what needed to happen, but I still wanted to go epidural free.

We went in about 6 p.m. on Saturday, Nov 30, slept the night in the hospital which was not at all restful and then they started the pitocin around 7 a.m. the next morning when I still wasn't having major contractions.  At first I was thinking, "oh this isn't too bad, I can totally do this." Pretty soon that turned into, "this really, really hurts, but I can totally do this". And then it became, "OH MY GOODNESS THIS HURTS SO BAD!!! but...I can totally do this...right?" A big problem was that I wasn't able to really walk around at all. Since I had to be hooked up to an IV for both antibiotics and pitocin, not mention all the monitors they strap on you, they wouldn't let me leave the bed except to pee. I had hope to be able to ease some of the contraction pain by walking, stretching, bouncing on the exercise ball, and anything else I could think of, but the nurses really wouldn't let me.

About 9 hours later and dilated to an 8 I decided to get the epidural. I was so exhausted, not having slept for like 36 hours and enduring the awful pitocin induced contractions (I am convinced that they are worse with pitocin than not, although I guess I don't know for sure) all day, I just couldn't do it anymore. The epidural definitely made me feel better, but then, although the nurse assured me that I would still be able to feel it when it was time to push, I really couldn't feel it. I felt some pressure after a while and decided that must be it, which I guess it was, but then after pushing for what seemed like an hour we had made no progress. I just couldn't feel it (am I the only one who had this experience?)!

And, now after being awake for 36 hours, enduring pitocin contractions all day, and pushing for an hour, I was beyond exhausted. The doctor could tell, so she decided to suction Luke out, which totally freaked me out, but I just wanted him to come out already so I agreed. A great big push and one little suck later and there he was! He immediately started peeing, which made us all laugh, and then started crying. Phil cut the umbilical cord and they put him right in my lap. He was so perfect and the long day and painful contractions and disappointment all just disappeared.

It really was love at first sight.

Happy first birthday little one. We love you. 

How to: Perfect Pie Crust

Pie is the one thing I look forward to almost more than anything else on Thanksgiving Day. When I was a little girl, I remember my mom making the most delicious pies every year. She would always save the trimmings of pie crust, bake them on a cookie sheet, sprinkle them with powdered sugar and give them to me and my brothers. I loved that pie crust.

But, one year, my mom told me that she was tired of making pies from scratch and decided she would just buy a few pre-made crusts from the grocery store. I was shocked. Not only did I love eating those homemade pies (and trimmings) but it was a tradition to make the pies. Tradition is a big deal in my family and I just couldn't believe my mom was considering buying a crust (I may have been a little over dramatic). I pleaded with her, but she said it was just too much work and Marie Calendar's crust is just as good. "If you want homemade pie, you will have to make it," she told me. I'm not sure if she really thought I would do it or not, but determined to save tradition and my crust, I took on the pie making that year, and have done so ever since.

I use this pie crust recipe every single time I make pies and it is still just the very best crust I have ever had.

Perfect Pie Crust

Ingredients:
4 c. flour
1 Tbsp sugar
2 tsp salt
1 3/4 c. shortening
1 Tbsp vinegar
1 large egg
1/2 c. plus 1 Tbsp cold water

Directions:

Combine flour, sugar and salt in large mixing bowl and mix well. Cut shortening into flour mixture until ingredients are crumbly. Combine vinegar, egg and cold water in small bowl and add all at once to flour and shortening mixture. Combine with fork until dough pulls together (dough will still be crumbly). Turn out onto lightly floured surface and knead slightly until crumbs are all combined. Makes 4 or 5 pie crusts.

What is your favorite Thanksgiving food?

Before and After: Denim Shirt Dress

I altered this denim dress without taking enough pictures to do a tutorial, but I love how it turned out so I still wanted to share it here. I really like the shirt dress style, but I can rarely find any that are long enough for me so I knew I would either have to make one from scratch, or find something to alter. I decided I would start by checking out some thrift stores (always a great place to find big, denim dresses) and I found one for $3 that I was able to alter in just a couple of hours.

Before:

This dress was a size 16 (I usually wear a size 4 or 6) so it was several sizes too large, but it definitely had plenty of length! When I alter dresses like this one, I always look at is how the shoulders fit. I don't like re-setting sleeves, and I especially didn't want to re-set them in this dress because of the top-stitching that I would have to try to duplicate, so I tried to find one that fit ok across the chest and shoulders. It looks pretty awful in this picture (and it doesn't help that my hair isn't done either), but I wanted my dress to fit somewhat loosely (the way a comfy denim jacket would) so I knew it work out after the alterations.

After:

The make of the dress was fairly simple, so I really only had to do a few cuts and seams to get it to fit the way I wanted. I took in the width of the sleeves (about 2 inches) all the way up from the cuffs, along the underarms, and back down the sides of the dress. Then I cut off about six inches of length and sewed a new hem. I used the same techniques for the hem of the dress as I used in this jean tutorial.

I wear this dress all the time now.  It has been perfect for fall and can be dressed up or dressed down and it's so comfy! What do you think of my before and after?

Tip: Make a Laundry Schedule

Sometimes I wonder if everyone but me already knew to do these things. Either way, all of these tips are things that I have found to be really helpful to me as a homemaker, so it can't hurt to share them with you too.

This week, I have discovered the magic of scheduling my laundry (it's the little things). Usually, I do most of our laundry on Saturday, which sometimes rolls into Sunday because I forget to finish drying or folding it, and sometimes I don't get the laundry finished at all so I have to do random loads during the week because we need something cleaned. I would rather not use my weekend for this, but it has always kind of happened that way. Then, I thought, "what if I create a schedule for this, and do one load a day each day of the week? Then I won't have to do it on the weekend!"

I don't know why I didn't think of this sooner.

My new laundry schedule currently looks like this:

Monday - whites
Tuesday - darks/colors
Wednesday - towels/sheets
Thursday - Luke's clothes

That leaves Friday, Saturday and Sunday free to do other, more fun things. And since it is just one load a day, it is easy to get it all done: washing, drying, folding, and putting away.

Do you use a laundry schedule?

My Favorite Spot

I love our home. It is the just what we were hoping to find when we moved back to Utah, and although it is temporary (long-term temporary, but still temporary), I have still tried to make it a cozy place for us to live until the next time we move.

I have been looking for a bookshelf to put in the corner of the living room almost since the day we moved in. It was a great spot for our big, red wingback chair, and I knew that adding a small shelf would make it a perfect little reading nook. Most of my books are on shelves in our bedroom, which I love, but I really like having books out in the family area too. I think they add something special to any room, and I liked imagining myself curled up in our big chair reading stories to Luke, or just to myself.

When I finally found the perfect shelf ($15 on ksl!), it turned out even better than I hoped. It needed a little tlc, but once I gave it a makeover it was just right. I have some of my favorite book displayed on the top shelfs; a few photo albums, toys and children's books on the second shelf, and a few of Luke's board books and toys on the bottom shelf. It also has a drawer where the rest of Luke's toys can be stored away (which made both Phil and I very happy since they had been kept in a couple of bins that didn't really have a home in the living room).

Cozy isn't it?

Do you have a favorite spot in your home?

Recommended Reading: Taking Charge of Your Fertility

I think I first heard about Taking Charge of Your Fertility while reading something on KellyMom, (a great resource for breastfeeding, by the way), and it sounded interesting, so I added it to my "to read" list. Later, I looked to see if I could check it out from the library, only I find that five people already had it on hold ahead of me. After a few months it finally made it to me and I hurried to read it since there were then nine more people waiting on the hold list after me. Apparently this is a very popular book, and now after reading it, I see why.

I found Taking Charge of Your Fertility to be an incredibly empowering book. I learned more about the female (and male too) reproductive system than I had ever known or heard before. I was so fascinated with everything that I learned and I couldn't believe I didn't know it before.  This book teaches about the "Fertility Awareness Method", or "FAM" which debunks the myth that most women have a 28-day cycle and ovulate on day 14, which is what most resources and doctors will tell you. Whether you are trying to get pregnant, trying not to get pregnant, or just want to be healthy, this book is for you (in other words, every single woman should read this book!).

Learning FAM will allow you to track your own fertility signs, which include waking temperature, cervical fluid, and cervical position (which the book explains is an optional sign). Tracking these signs is super easy and only takes a couple minutes each day. By knowing your own body and its fertility signs you can avoid using other methods of birth control, which often have unpleasant side effects, or be more likely to conceive if you are trying to get pregnant. Knowing this information also allows you to be more in control of your own gynecological health and provide useful information to your physician that they could otherwise only obtain through a series of tests.

Around the same time I got pregnant with Luke, I had two friends that were also trying to conceive. Both of them had been trying for nearly a year with no success, and both of them ended up seeing fertility specialists. One was able to then conceive after using Clomid, and the other conceived a few months later naturally. I felt lucky (which truthfully, kind of was luck, because we were following the ol' 12-17 day rule to get pregnant, not actually knowing when my most fertile days were. Now I know better.) that I was able to become pregnant so quickly when I realized what difficult and frustrating time they were both having.

Now, after reading this book, I wish I could go back in time and give it to them! It could have saved them so much grief. Usually, doctors make you try for a year before you can see a fertility specialist, but as explained in this book, if you are tracking your own fertility signs, you can know within 4-6 months if something is wrong. You will know if you aren't ovulating, or if you just have especially long cycles and ovulate later than the standard day 14 (which most women do!). With that information you can go to your doctor and explain your concerns, show them your charts and they will likely be able to help you sooner than one year. That doesn't mean that you won't need any other kind of intervention, you may still need to use Clomid or other fertility drugs, or your husband may need tests done as well, but at least it gives you a good start.

Taking Charge of Your Fertility looks like a big book, but it's really a pretty quick read. Even though it discusses biological and medical terms, it is not at all difficult to understand. In fact, you, like me, will probably feel surprised that you didn't already know something so simple about yourself. The author does a great job teaching about FAM and answering all of the questions you might have. About a third of the book is an appendix which includes sample charts, pictures, diagrams, FAQ, and anything else you might need to better understand. Seriously, get this book. It will change your life.

Have you read Taking Charge of Your Fertility? Did you love it as much as I did?

P.S. You can get more information about this book and FAM here: www.tcoyf.com

How To: Butternut Squash Soup

I volunteered to make a soup for a church activity recently only to realize that I didn't really have many soup recipes that would suit the event. My husband suggested trying a butternut squash recipe, which sounded perfect for November. But after trying this recipe (don't try it, the proportions are all wrong and it isn't any good), and it was a complete fail, I was wondering what I would do. I bought another squash and started googling recipes. After reading over several and getting the basic idea of how I wanted my soup to be, I decided to try my hand at creating my own and to my delight, it actually turned out quite yummy. So, I am sharing the recipe with you too.

Ingredients:

1 2-3 lb butternut squash, peeled and cubed
2 gala apples, peeled and diced
1 cup diced onion
1/4 cup butter
1 tsp nutmeg
2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 cup brown sugar
2 quarts (8 cups) chicken broth
1 cup milk
salt and pepper to taste

Directions:

1. Melt butter over medium heat in large dutch oven. Sauté onions in butter until tender, about 10 minutes. 
2. Add nutmeg and cinnamon to onions, sauté one minute more. 
3. Add squash, apples, brown sugar and broth. Bring to boil, then lower heat and simmer until squash and apples are tender, about 30 minutes. 
4. Strain soup, reserving 3-4 cups of broth. 
5. Pour strained ingredients into blender, add one cup milk and puree. 
6. Pour puree back into dutch oven, add reserved broth, a little at a time, until soup reaches desired consistency. 
7. Heat through and season to taste with salt and black pepper. 
8. Serve with cinnamon sugar toast. Enjoy.

Money Wise: Becoming Free

Note: I originally wrote this and other posts about our finances on a personal blog but have decided to share them here. The original publishing date is shown below.  

4/9/14

If you couldn't tell already, I love Dave Ramsey. I listen to his podcast nearly everyday, and I always feel more motivated to pay off our debt and be smarter with money. Almost every day on the show he features a "Debt Free Scream" which is when someone, usually a couple, comes on the show and tells Dave how and why they paid off well of their debt and then they countdown and scream "we're debt free!!!!" It's awesome and so inspiring.

One day a couple came on the show to do their scream and Dave started asking them what made them decide to do it. The wife started talking about how she had bought a new car, a really nice new car, and how even though they were paying off their other debt, she was hanging on to that car. She said that she realized after a while that she didn't like what that car said about her. It wasn't really the car itself, it was that she was keeping it because it made her feel good, it was a status symbol and she realized she bought it so that she could look good to others, not because she really needed it. She had made that car more important that anything else in her life. She realized that she didn't like how that idea reflected on her and she decided to sell the car and help her family get out of debt once and for all.

Of course we need things, and its even ok to just have some things that we like and want. But the point that really stuck with me was that it can be so easy to put our things before God. Suddenly a car or a house or some nice clothes or whatever become more important than Him. I think sometimes Christians feel like being rich is bad because then if means you are prideful. But, I don't think being rich is bad at all, its just how you feel about and what you do with those riches that makes the difference.

"Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." (Matthew 6:19-21)

Part of the reason getting out of debt is so important to me is because I don't want to be a slave to money. Some might argue that getting an education is an acceptable reason to go into debt, but even if it is, debt is debt and I just don't want it in my life anymore. When you have debt it can prevent you from doing all the things you would like to to do, including lots of good things like donating to charities, developing skills and talents, and improving your family situation and lifestyle. Money is a tool, you just have to learn how to use it properly.

Buying vs. Sewing: Which is better?

Sometimes I hear people talking about whether it is better to buy clothes, or to make them yourself, and since I do a lot of sewing I thought it might be interesting to talk about this. Since we now live in a generation where very few women actually can sew clothing, the answer is usually "buy", simply because they know no other way. But for those who can sew, or who want to learn, you may be wondering if it is worth it at all.

When my mom was a teenager, she sewed a lot of her own clothes. At that time it was definitely more cost effective, not to mention completely normal to do so. Patterns, fabric and notions were often considerably less expensive than buying a new, ready-to-wear item.

Today, however, clothing can be made so cheaply (often overseas) that once you buy all the materials you need, plus consider the time it will take to make what you want, that you will often spend more money sewing than buying. However, when deciding if you should make or buy something, it is important to not just compare like items (ie: a store bought t-shirt vs. a homemade t-shirt) but also the quality of items (ie. materials used, weave and durability of fabric, linings, notions, etc). Handmade items are often better quality than store bought items.

For example, if you see a blouse you like at Forever 21, it will probably be priced around $10-$20. We can know from this price, as well as from taking a look over the shirt itself, that this item is probably cheaply made and may not last more than a couple of seasons. If that's ok with you, then it's probably better to just buy the shirt than try to make it, because it will be more expensive once you get all of the materials and account for your time (although you may be able to produce something of better quality).  However, if you see a blouse at Nordstrom, or a store with similar quality items, it will probably priced between $75-$100, and in that case you can surely re-create a similar item (in look and quality) for less.

Here are a few examples of my own recreations when I decided to try my hand at sewing instead of buying:

I saw this dress on Corilynn, and fell in love with it. 

I knew it was a good quality item based on the information given and product reviews, but at $145, it just wasn't something I could afford. In this case it was definitely less expensive for me to make my own version, which I did for around $40, plus lots of time. 

Another example of when sewing may be the way to go is when you want a more custom piece. I saw this dress on Merrick's Art and thought it would be great for summer. 

She made her own design, using a Stella McCartney dress as her inspiration. The Stella McCartney dress is no longer available, (and no doubt would have been beyond my budget anyway) so this is a time when sewing can allow you to create something you can't find in stores. (A custom dress made by someone else will almost always cost a lot of money).

I used the same pattern from my dress above, with a few tweaks, and created this dress for around $30, (plus lots of time). 

It should be noted that while the dresses I made were similar to those that I couldn't afford, they weren't perfect. Patterns vary, as do fabrics, and you may not get the exact fit you were hoping for. This is especially true if you, like me, are an amateur seamstress (I am learning new things all the time) and may not have all the skills needed to get a perfect fit. So while the materials may be cheaper than a ready-to-wear piece, you always risk the possibility of spending that time and money on something that doesn't turn out exactly like you hoped.

Sewing can also be a good option if it's just something you simply enjoy doing. I love to sew, so for me, the extra time it takes to make an item doesn't really feel like an extra expense. But if you don't enjoy sewing, the savings just might not be worth it to you.

What do you think? Is it better to buy or sew?

How To: Shorten a Pair of Jeans (without making them look homemade)

Altering the length on jeans can be a little more tricky than other types of pants or skirts. This is due to the thick denim, the thicker, contrasting thread, and the wash and distressed look on the finished pair. You really can't lengthen jeans, at least without it being super obvious and probably not looking very good, but you can shorten them. There are a couple of ways to do this, but I will only be showing one today.

I found this pair of jeans at the thrift store for $8. I was in need of new jeans and they fit me perfectly everywhere except the length. After giving them a good look over in the fitting room, I decided I would go ahead and buy them and alter them to the right length.

Here's what you need:
Measuring tape
Tailors chalk or marking pencil
Scissors
Straight pins
Hammer
Matching thread in both regular and heavy-duty or top-stitching weights (you may choose a contrasting color for your top-stitching thread depending on your pair of jeans).
Sewing machine
Heavy duty machine needle

1. Try on the pair of jeans and evaluate how you would like them to look. I didn't like how this pair was so bunchy at my ankles and knew right away that I would need to shorten them by at least 2 or 3 inches.

2. Measure the inseam of another pair of jeans that fits you the way you like. The pair I measured has an inseam of 29" so I knew that would be about the length I was going for.

3. Measure the inseam of the jeans you are going to alter. My new jeans measured 32", three inches longer than my ideal pair.

4. Mark with tailors chalk or a making pencil the length to match your ideal pair. Since there was 3" difference in the two pairs, I measured from the bottom of the jean up 3 inches and made a mark. Repeat this all the way around the jeans.

5. Fold and pin your jean up to the mark and try on the jeans again. Because various pairs of jeans will fit differently due to different styles and brands it's important to try them on several times before cutting. When I tried my pair on after pinning it up 3", I found that they looked a little shorter than I wanted, even though they were now a 29" inseam like my ideal pair. I decided to shorten them by only 2" instead of 3".

6. I repeated step 4, but measured up only 2" from the bottom. If your pair fit the way you wanted after the first marking then skip this step and go to step 7.

7.Once you have determined the right length, measure one inch longer than that line and mark, this will be your cut line. So if you plan to make your jeans 4" shorter, make a mark at 4" for your fold line and 3" for your cut line. Cut your jeans at your cut line.

8. Fold your jeans up half an inch and then again another half inch and pin in place. Iron the fold to help it stay put.

9. This step may be optional, but I have found it to be really helpful, especially if you don't have a heavy duty machine. Hammer the new folded hem of your jeans, especially on the seams where it is extra thick. This will flatten out the thick area and allow you to run it through your sewing machine more easily. It's best if you place your jeans on a hard surface (but not your hardwood floors), I just use a small piece of plywood left over from another project. Then hammer away until your seams are good and flat. Careful not to hammer right on your pins!

10. With jeans inside out, sew a straight stitch all the way around and close to the top of the hem using a matching thread. Then, turn your jeans right side out and use a top-stitching or heavy-duty thread to sew right on top of your first stitches, again following them all the way around.

11. Now it's time to distress your jeans. First, fold your hem inward along the stitch line. Using a light grain sand paper, sand gently all the way around this fold. Unfold your jeans and sand all the way around the very bottom fold of the jeans. Then sand a little here and there between the stitch line and the bottom fold of the jeans. The lighter blue color in the pictures below show the areas that I sanded. You may notice that some dye or fibers come off on your sand paper, this is normal.

12. Once you have sanded to your liking, run your jeans through a wash and dry cycle (or hang dry if you prefer). If you want more distressing, sand some more and wash your jeans again. My jeans turned out like this:

All done!

Money Wise: Living Like No One Else

Note: I originally wrote this and other posts about our finances on a personal blog but have decided to share them here. The original publishing date is shown below.  

4/1/14

My parents never have had a lot of money, so growing up I learned that I couldn't always have everything I wanted. In fact, I never had everything I wanted. But I always had everything I needed. My mom stayed home to raise my brothers and I and did a great job stretching every penny. She was crafty and made our Halloween costumes, birthday decorations, and yummy meals. My dad worked hard to provide for us each day at work, and then came home and worked some more to make our house and yard a home. I have never looked back and wished I had more toys or more clothes or that we travelled to more places. We were a happy family with what we had, even if it wasn't as much as the Joneses.

Now that I have a little family of my own, I have grown to appreciate my upbringing even more. I realize how valuable it was for me to live in a family who worked hard to make do with what we had, and never placed to much emphasis on money (or the fact that we didn't have much). I'm not saying my parents were perfect with money. Now that I'm older and can talk about money with them, I have learned that they didn't always make the best financial choices either. They racked up some credit cards and spent more on things here and there than they should have. But, they still taught my brothers and I to be careful and wise with the money that we earned.

Now, with over $100,000 in debt, my dream is to just have a home for my family like I had growing up. I don't need to be a millionaire. The future is unknown to us and there is no way to know now how much money we have in the future. That is not really important to me, and never has been. I just want enough to have the things we need. It can be hard sometimes to differentiate between want and need. I love to shop. I love to get new clothes and things for our house. I love to sew and buy patterns and fabric. I like to travel and see new places. But those things all cost money, and truthfully, as much as I want those things, I don't need them.

Some may wonder what the big deal is. Why not just live like everyone else? "Make your monthly payments on your loans, get a credit card and charge a trip to Disney on it, finance new furniture, and don't worry about buying new clothes, you deserve them!" Isn't that what we all hear all the time? Well the fact is, I just don't want to spend my life making payments. I don't want to worry about falling behind on a credit card and getting called by debt collectors. I want to own the things that I have in my house. And I don't want to feel guilty every time I put on that shirt that I really didn't have the money for. I don't want to live like everyone else. Its just not worth it. Our goal is to pay off our loans in 5 years, that may sound crazy, but I know that we can do it. Like Dave Ramsey always says, we will have to "live like no one else, so that later we can live like no one else." And we will.

I Think These "Mommy Wars" Are All in Our Heads

I don't think a week goes by that I don't see some article or blog post talking about the so-called "mommy wars". Mommy bloggers everywhere keep writing, saying things like, "let's all just stop judging each other for our choices as mothers."  I agree with the sentiment, but now that I've been a mom for almost a year (longer if you count pregnancy) I'm starting to wonder if all this "judging" people are talking about even exists.

Recently I read an article, "5 Mom-Shaming Trends That Need to Stop Now" that a friend linked to on Facebook. The author begins her post saying, "I am beyond exhausted listening to all of the mom-shaming going on these days" and then proceeds to talk about the apparent mom-shaming she has seen or experienced when it comes to breastfeeding, organic snacks, Pinterest parties, mom jeans, and working moms vs. stay-at-home moms. On the surface this article seems great. You read it and think, "That's right! All those moms need to stop shaming each other!"

Here's the thing, though. I have never, not even once, been the victim or any kind of "mom-shaming". In fact, I have had nothing but good experiences with other people and my little one. I have breastfed in public, I have formula fed in public, I have flown with the little one on airplanes, taken him to nice restaurants, fed him unhealthy snacks, worn less than flattering outfits in public, made things (and failed making things) from Pinterest ideas, and worked outside of the home after he was born.  I have done all these things that supposedly moms are shaming each other for and no one has even batted an eyelash. 

I also don't have a single friend that has told me of any shaming they have experienced, and almost all of my friends have kids.  Doesn't that seem strange to you?

After thinking this over a bit, I started to reflect that while I have never actually experienced shaming, I have worried about experiencing shaming. When I prepared to go out in public and knew I would have to breastfeed, I wondered if anyone might comment on me feeding him like that in public. Then, when I knew I would have to give him formula in a bottle, I worried that someone might comment that I should still be breastfeeding and not formula feeding. When I flew with him to visit my family I worried that his noise would disturb others and cause them to glare at or shush me. When I pack up the crackers and goldfish I wonder if others will think badly of me that I didn't pack fruit and veggies instead. When I hurry out to do my errands, not showered, hair in ponytail and no makeup, I worry about the impression I might give to those I see. When I decided to go back to work for a short time, I wondered if my friends my judge me for leaving Luke when he was still so small. 

In fact, sometimes I worried about those things so much, that I created a whole scenario in my mind of what might happen and how I would respond. But, not to my surprise, I never needed my thought-out responses because no one has ever said anything about the choices I have made as a mother. 

To be fair, I know that people can be unkind, so this isn't to say that no mother has ever experienced judgement from another. But is it really as prevalent as we claim? Or are we just so worried about what others might think that we are trying to beat them to the punch by writing non-stop about not shaming? Or maybe, and I think even more likely, is it that we tend to be a little oversensitive, especially when it comes to our children and our parenting, and we take offense when there has been none? So what if your friend posts and article about breastfeeding and you formula fed from the start? So what if you are a stay-at-home mom and your neighbor works full-time? Their different choices doesn't mean they are judging you for yours. 

Of course we all want to be good moms! Of course we want the approval of others! We can't help but to hope that we do what is best for our children, and it can be painful when we fall short. Maybe we feel guilty because we haven't been able to do everything as a mother that we hoped we could. And maybe that guilt is causing us all to think that someone else is judging us, when really the only person judging you, is you. 

So, moms. Be honest. Is there a chance that you are actually being too hard on yourself? Stop worrying so much about the so-called shaming and judging of others, because chances are, no one is shaming you at all. Give others the benefit of the doubt, most people really are kind, and really do mean well. Maybe when they look at you across the park, or restaurant, or airport, they aren't judging you, but admiring you for being a mom and doing the very best you can.

Finding Joy

I don't always love being a homemaker.

Sometimes I think about other things that I could have done instead of getting married, having children and staying home. I could have travelled more. I could have worked at my dream job in a big city. I could have continued my education or started my own business. 

Sometimes, just sometimes, I think about those things. Or sometimes I just think it would be nice to not have worry about anyone but myself. I could get up when I want, not when I hear cries of hunger or boredom. I could wear whatever clothes I want without worrying about getting food spilled on them or trying to run after a toddler in uncomfortable shoes. I could go shopping peacefully and spend all the time I want trying on clothes or browsing the aisle. I could do all of those things if I hadn't chosen to become a homemaker.

But, when I really start to think about all those other things that I could have done, it doesn't actually seem that great. Is sleeping in and wearing fancy clothes really more fun than seeing your little one laugh as they attempt their first steps? Is traveling and working more fulfilling that creating a beautiful, comfortable home where your family can gather and enjoy time together? Maybe for some, but not for me.

I love my job. I love that I get to be here for all the little things that Luke does each day. I love that I get to clean the house and cook dinner so that my husband can come home after a long day and enjoy a good meal with us and relax in a comfortable living room. I love that my job lets me read books, sew up projects, paint furniture, and repair household items. I get to do a little bit of everything.

I know that not all women will choose to be homemakers. Some can't have or don't want children. Some prefer to work outside of the home. Some are making the best of single parenthood and don't get to stay home. But for those that are homemakers, or those who wonder if it's worth it, it is. On those days when you might be tempted to dream about all the other things you could have done, choose instead to find joy in the things you already do.

Money Wise: More on the Debt

Note: I originally wrote this and other posts about our finances on a personal blog but have decided to share them here. The original publishing date is shown below.  

3/26/14

Even though we knew it wasn't good to have debt, we didn't really feel it was all bad either. It just seemed like a necessary evil. However, we are both naturally frugal and so didn't spend a lot of money on other things and always tried to live within our means in other areas of our life.

Phil felt that he needed to go to graduate school to progress his career, and I supported him. He was working at a local company as a buyer while I finished my degree. Once I graduated he planned to start a masters program. He decided that an MBA would be best and so started preparing to take the GMAT. This is where some of our sense of frugality was misplaced. We didn't want to fork out the money to pay for Phil to take a real GMAT prep class (it was around $500 if I am remembering right) so we paid something like $90 for him to take an online prep class which ended up being pretty useless. At the time we just thought we were saving money (ironic isn't it?), but we realize now that spending the money on a real class probably would have paid off in the end.

Phil is smart and has always done well in school, but isn't a great test taker (on standardized tests, that is). He took the GMAT several times and never got a great score, which really limited his options on where he could go to grad school. However, he had international experience and spoke Chinese which opened the door to Thunderbird School of Global Management, a private college in Arizona. Thunderbird was ranked #1 in International Business, and all we read about it convinced us that it would offer Phil some good opportunities to get a better job. The only downfall? Tuition and fees would total around $100,000.

We should have seen that number and turned and ran the other way. Was an MBA really worth that much? Was it really the only way to get a better job? No. Of course not. But for some reason we didn't feel the weight of having that kind of debt hanging over our heads. Its not that we didn't talk about it. We did. But ultimately we decided it was ok. We agreed we would pay it off as quickly as we could and it would be ok. We convinced ourselves that it was our only option.

Looking back now, we did have other options. Phil could have continued to work for one more year and taken a real GMAT prep course to try and better his score and increase his options. Had we stayed in Salt Lake I also would have had some better job opportunities (one that I really wanted but turned down because we were moving to AZ) and could have worked full-time and saved all of that money. Even if Phil hadn't been able to improve his GMAT score, he probably could have done an executive MBA program at the University of Utah at night and continued to work full-time. We could have cash-flowed his entire program, paid off the loans we already had, and been debt free.

Hindsight is 20/20. We made our choices and chose to come to Thunderbird and take on the debt. That is done. There is no point in dwelling on the past. But, I hope that others might learn from our mistakes. The truth is, it was easier to just get loans than to do a little work. We wanted instant gratification. Phil was tired of his job. I was ready for a new adventure. We didn't want to have to wait until he improved his score, or we had saved more money. We didn't want to stay in our same tiny apartment, or be stuck in a job that wasn't very fun.

But that is the problem with society today. We all want things right NOW. And we can get them...if we borrow the money. But, like others, we have learned the hard way that sometimes (maybe all the time) its worth it to wait. Its worth it to work. Its worth it to not have debt.

Weekly Tip: Take Care of Yourself

Have you ever noticed that you seem to get a lot more done during the day when you have taken a shower and gotten dressed than when you stay in your pajamas? Because homemakers stay home, it's easy to think it doesn't matter if you get dressed or do your hair or makeup, but doing those things does have an effect on your attitude and productivity.

I know that its not always easy to squeeze in a shower, let alone put on makeup, when there are little ones around, but if you make it a priority to make a little time for yourself each day you will be better able to care for everyone else that needs you.

Let me be clear though, when I say "do your hair and makeup" I'm not talking major work. Most days, I wear jeans and a t-shirt with a bit of mascara and I straighten or curl my hair or wear it up. On days where I know I will be going out or seeing more people, I might do a little more. Like everything, its important to find a balance. Does staying in your pajamas all day make you a bad mom? Of course not. Is it necessary to start each day in stilettos and a full blow out to be a good homemaker? Of course not. 

Treat your career as a homemaker the same way you would treat any other job. Would you show up to the office in sweats without having showered or brushed your hair?  Probably not (unless maybe your office is at the gym), so why show up to your husband and kids that way?

You would, however, show up at the office dressed in such a way that others know that you take yourself and your job seriously. It is not vain to do so, it simply says that you are a professional and that your job matters to you. Hopefully, your career as a homemaker matters to you too, and by taking the time to care for yourself each day, you show others, especially your family, that you are giving your job, and them, your best self.

Little Fox

Oh, how I love this little guy. 

Happy November!

Family Time: "Up" for Halloween

Anyone who knows me knows that I love Halloween.  I don't know what it is exactly, maybe the combination of Fall weather, pumpkin everything, haunted houses, and the fact that you can dress up even as an adult, make it one of the most magical holidays.

When I was a little girl my mom almost always made my costumes. I think it was usually less expensive to do so, and even though I thought the store-bought costumes were really cool, the things my mom made always looked better and were much better quality.  I have yet to make any of our costumes from scratch, but I always find great things at the thrift store that, with a little tweaking and sewing, have made some great costumes. I know it's cheesy, but I love choosing themes each year, and lucky for me, I have a husband who is a good sport about it and I baby who is too young to know any different.

This year, we chose to dress as characters from Disney's Up. It was probably the most work I have spent on Halloween costumes yet (I should have counted the number of feathers I traced, cut and glued), but it was definitely worth it.

Happy Halloween!