Recommended Reading: Radical Homemakers

It took me a while to finish reading Radical Homemakers. I really enjoyed it, but it was a lot more dense than some of the others I have read recently. It was just packed full of information and gave me a lot to think about.

I will start off by saying that I did not agree with everything the author, Shannon Hayes, wrote, and I feel that she may have been too biased and not factual enough in some parts. This book was a bit more liberal-minded in discussing some issues than I tend to be, especially in it's vilification of big corporations, some ideas about healthcare, and some financial and retirement advice that I did not agree with. However, that being said, it did put into words a lot of what I have been thinking and feeling more and more lately.

I felt that the central idea was that people today seem to be working more and more trying to earn more and more money to pay for the more and more things that they buy, while at the same time families and communities are being damaged because relationships are not given the time and energy they need.

Radical Homemakers begins by addressing some of the issues we currently see in society such as overworking, overspending, disconnected families, and suffering communities. Many feel that if they are not busy, if they do not have a big house, a nice car, and expensive things, then they are not successful. The key, the author suggests, to correct these issues is to leave corporate America behind and focus on hearth and home.

Hayes then goes on to give the reader an in-depth history lesson on homemaking. She explains what the word homemaking really means, what it meant in feudal times, and how it has evolved since the industrial revolution. She talks about men's roles historically as co-homemakers, as well as the "housewife syndrome" that arose especially during the 1950's. She discusses the progression from families that all worked together within a household to grow their own food, make their own clothes, repair their belongings, cook and eat meals together, etc., to society now that buys everything, both spouses work 60 hours or more a week, children are over-scheduled and families rarely eat together.

"Radical" homemaking is more than just being a stay-at-home-mom (or dad), but involves incorporating certain ideas into your lifestyle such as (in the author's own words):

• nobody cares what you drive
• housing does not have to cost more than a single moderate income can afford
• health can be achieved without making monthly payments to an insurance company
• childcare is not a fixed cost
• education can be acquired and not bought, and
• retirement is possible, regardless of income

These "radical" ideas are then explained in greater detail with notes from interviews by the author done with 20 radical homemakers. They describe their decisions to leave behind (or never begin) a corporate career to allow more time with family. They have learned how to live with less money but have developed better relationships and greater skills. They talk about how they have learned to rely more on extended family and community to obtain the support (whether financial, material, emotional or other) they need. Many grow their own food, many only own one car, many homeschool their children.

This book gave me a lot to think about, and I enjoyed it. It made me think about some changes I could make in my own life and career as a homemaker and SAHM, such as reading more, developing new skills, planting a garden, and driving less. I would recommend this book, but with a word of caution to read it with an open mind, and with the understanding that many of the topics discussed as fact are really generalizations.  If you are looking for a lifestyle change, or want to learn more about homemaking, this is an interesting read. 

Tip: Make a Laundry Schedule

Sometimes I wonder if everyone but me already knew to do these things. Either way, all of these tips are things that I have found to be really helpful to me as a homemaker, so it can't hurt to share them with you too.

This week, I have discovered the magic of scheduling my laundry (it's the little things). Usually, I do most of our laundry on Saturday, which sometimes rolls into Sunday because I forget to finish drying or folding it, and sometimes I don't get the laundry finished at all so I have to do random loads during the week because we need something cleaned. I would rather not use my weekend for this, but it has always kind of happened that way. Then, I thought, "what if I create a schedule for this, and do one load a day each day of the week? Then I won't have to do it on the weekend!"

I don't know why I didn't think of this sooner.

My new laundry schedule currently looks like this:

Monday - whites
Tuesday - darks/colors
Wednesday - towels/sheets
Thursday - Luke's clothes

That leaves Friday, Saturday and Sunday free to do other, more fun things. And since it is just one load a day, it is easy to get it all done: washing, drying, folding, and putting away.

Do you use a laundry schedule?

My Favorite Spot

I love our home. It is the just what we were hoping to find when we moved back to Utah, and although it is temporary (long-term temporary, but still temporary), I have still tried to make it a cozy place for us to live until the next time we move.

I have been looking for a bookshelf to put in the corner of the living room almost since the day we moved in. It was a great spot for our big, red wingback chair, and I knew that adding a small shelf would make it a perfect little reading nook. Most of my books are on shelves in our bedroom, which I love, but I really like having books out in the family area too. I think they add something special to any room, and I liked imagining myself curled up in our big chair reading stories to Luke, or just to myself.

When I finally found the perfect shelf ($15 on ksl!), it turned out even better than I hoped. It needed a little tlc, but once I gave it a makeover it was just right. I have some of my favorite book displayed on the top shelfs; a few photo albums, toys and children's books on the second shelf, and a few of Luke's board books and toys on the bottom shelf. It also has a drawer where the rest of Luke's toys can be stored away (which made both Phil and I very happy since they had been kept in a couple of bins that didn't really have a home in the living room).

Cozy isn't it?

Do you have a favorite spot in your home?

Finding Joy

I don't always love being a homemaker.

Sometimes I think about other things that I could have done instead of getting married, having children and staying home. I could have travelled more. I could have worked at my dream job in a big city. I could have continued my education or started my own business. 

Sometimes, just sometimes, I think about those things. Or sometimes I just think it would be nice to not have worry about anyone but myself. I could get up when I want, not when I hear cries of hunger or boredom. I could wear whatever clothes I want without worrying about getting food spilled on them or trying to run after a toddler in uncomfortable shoes. I could go shopping peacefully and spend all the time I want trying on clothes or browsing the aisle. I could do all of those things if I hadn't chosen to become a homemaker.

But, when I really start to think about all those other things that I could have done, it doesn't actually seem that great. Is sleeping in and wearing fancy clothes really more fun than seeing your little one laugh as they attempt their first steps? Is traveling and working more fulfilling that creating a beautiful, comfortable home where your family can gather and enjoy time together? Maybe for some, but not for me.

I love my job. I love that I get to be here for all the little things that Luke does each day. I love that I get to clean the house and cook dinner so that my husband can come home after a long day and enjoy a good meal with us and relax in a comfortable living room. I love that my job lets me read books, sew up projects, paint furniture, and repair household items. I get to do a little bit of everything.

I know that not all women will choose to be homemakers. Some can't have or don't want children. Some prefer to work outside of the home. Some are making the best of single parenthood and don't get to stay home. But for those that are homemakers, or those who wonder if it's worth it, it is. On those days when you might be tempted to dream about all the other things you could have done, choose instead to find joy in the things you already do.

Weekly Tip: Take Care of Yourself

Have you ever noticed that you seem to get a lot more done during the day when you have taken a shower and gotten dressed than when you stay in your pajamas? Because homemakers stay home, it's easy to think it doesn't matter if you get dressed or do your hair or makeup, but doing those things does have an effect on your attitude and productivity.

I know that its not always easy to squeeze in a shower, let alone put on makeup, when there are little ones around, but if you make it a priority to make a little time for yourself each day you will be better able to care for everyone else that needs you.

Let me be clear though, when I say "do your hair and makeup" I'm not talking major work. Most days, I wear jeans and a t-shirt with a bit of mascara and I straighten or curl my hair or wear it up. On days where I know I will be going out or seeing more people, I might do a little more. Like everything, its important to find a balance. Does staying in your pajamas all day make you a bad mom? Of course not. Is it necessary to start each day in stilettos and a full blow out to be a good homemaker? Of course not. 

Treat your career as a homemaker the same way you would treat any other job. Would you show up to the office in sweats without having showered or brushed your hair?  Probably not (unless maybe your office is at the gym), so why show up to your husband and kids that way?

You would, however, show up at the office dressed in such a way that others know that you take yourself and your job seriously. It is not vain to do so, it simply says that you are a professional and that your job matters to you. Hopefully, your career as a homemaker matters to you too, and by taking the time to care for yourself each day, you show others, especially your family, that you are giving your job, and them, your best self.

Weekly Tip: Make a list

I don't know if I would ever get anything done if I didn't make lists. I have always been a big fan of goal-making, even as a young girl, and I quickly learned that the best way to start achieving those goals was to first write them down. Now, as a mom and homemaker, it seems that there are always a million things that need to be done and if I don't write them down I never remember to do half of them.

This is what I do to keep me organized each day:

• I keep a small notepad on my nightstand next to our bed. Each night before going to sleep I think about what I need or want to get done the next day and write it down. It doesn't have to be very detailed, just a word or two to remind me of each item. I include everyday tasks on my list such as laundry and vacuuming, as well as more specific one-time tasks that I need to get done.  I only focus on tasks for the next day, not for the week or month. If you do want to make a some long-tern goals, write them on a separate list. 
• The next day I look at my list frequently throughout the day and determine when and how I will complete each item. I try to be flexible, never knowing for sure when the baby will nap or what kind of mood he will be in. I try to get a few "easy" items done while the little one is awake and save bigger or more difficult tasks for nap time. 
• I cross off items as I go. This step is important because it gives you that "I did it!" feeling and makes you want to do more. It's also nice to see at the end of the day all the items with lines through them.
• If I forgot to add something to my list the night before, I add it as I think of it during the day so I don't forget it later. Don't go overboard with this though, its better to just add a few things that you want to make sure and accomplish soon than to add every single thing you can possibly think of. 
• If I don't get something done I don't fret about it too much, but I do take time to decide if it's really important, and if so I add it to my list again for the following day.

List-making has proven to be extremely effective for me and I find that I get way more done when I make my list than when I don't. But remember, the list should be a tool, not a burden. Don't get down if you forget to make it or if you don't finish everything on it each day. Use it as a way to learn and improve and to become more organized. Some of my tips may not work for everyone so find a way that works best for you. 

For a few more ideas, I thought this article had some good points: Successful People

Learning to love your job

Being a SAHM and homemaker is not always easy. Little ones can wear you out quickly. Sometimes it seems like you are always washing dishes, or always picking up toys, or always doing laundry. And often, there is not a lot of time for you.

Yesterday, I read an article titled, "Dear Stay-At-Home-Moms, Please Shut Up." It's written by a SAHM who frankly is tired of hearing other SAHMs complain about their job. I personally found the article to be mostly humorous. It is obvious that the author uses satire and is not entirely serious about everything she says. But as I read the comments posted to the article, I was surprised that most didn't feel as I did about it. Women were clearly unhappy with the ridicule and stereotypes described by the author and some protested that they had never met any SAHM that complained about her job.

I don't think this is a matter of who is right or wrong. You could choose to become offended, or you could remind yourself that it is one person's opinion, and take it with a grain of salt. Maybe you truly love staying at home and have never had reason to complain and don't know what the author is talking about. Maybe you hate staying at home, and do complain, and this article makes you feel a little guilty. Hopefully you just found it funny, like I did.

Truthfully though, like the author, I have heard a lot of SAHMs complain about their job. Whether it be in person or online through blogs and social media; Facebook especially can be a never-ending saga of the latest difficult tasks SAHMs have had to endure. We have all had jobs that we don't like, and its easy to get into a habit (yes, it becomes a habit) to complain when we are unhappy.

So the way I see it, if you are a SAHM and you are unhappy with your job, you have three options:

1. Don't change anything and continue to be unhappy.
2. Put your kids in daycare or hire a nanny and get a job that you like.
3. Find ways to love your job as a SAHM.

You may say that none of those choices are easy, and that may be true, but things that are worth doing are rarely very easy. Hopefully you won't choose number one, so I won't even go into that.

If you choose number two that is great. Not every mom wants to stay home, and that is ok. Maybe you have always wanted to work but felt guilty putting your kids in daycare. Personally, I feel that I mother is the best caregiver for her own children, but that being said, it does not mean that you can't find great care outside of the home also. It is a matter of doing some research and choosing whatever suits you best. Working part-time or just one or two days or nights a week is also an option that may allow you to spread your wings but still let you be at home most of the time. I think these decisions take a lot of thought, discussion with your spouse, and prayer. But if you are angry all the time because you feel stuck at home, your kids will notice and it won't be good for them anyway, so maybe a little outside work is best for everyone.

If you choose number three (obviously my favorite choice) then it's time to do some major personal evaluations. It may be hard to find the time to do some thinking, but try to take an hour or two to yourself, grab a pen and paper and write down your thoughts.  Here are some ideas to help:

• First, make a list of all the things you don't like about being a SAHM. Your list might include things like: I don't like cooking or cleaning, no time for myself, I get lonely being home all day, the kids are always fighting, etc. 
• Next, think of a job you have had before that you loved, and write down all the reasons why you loved it. Your list might read: I got to use the skills I learned in school or training, I was my own boss, I loved my coworkers, I liked the benefits, etc.
• Finally, see if you can mesh the things you loved previously with the things you currently don't like.  For example, if you loved being your own boss in a previous job then remind yourself that you are definitely your own boss as a SAHM. You make the rules and just because some of your friends may raise their kids or clean their house one way, doesn't mean you have to do it that way too. If it helps you, run your house like you would run a business (maybe with a bit more love) and use those skills you gained as a boss to help your family. If you loved your coworkers in an old job and now you get lonely being home all day write down some ideas of how you can see friends (or make new ones) more often. Start a play group, a book club, or do something outside of your home like taking a cooking class or working out at the gym. If you miss using the skills you obtained in a previous job, consider how you might use them at home. If you were an accountant, use that knowledge to make an awesome monthly budget and teach your kids how to use money wisely at the grocery store. If you were a dance instructor, see if you can volunteer at your kids' school with the dance team, or start a dance class for your own little ones. There is really no job I can think of that can't be implemented in some way in the home

Ultimately, its about finding a good balance. No one loves their job every single day, that is just human nature. But we can always make our jobs better, starting with the right attitude and a desire to improve ourselves. Finding out what you are good at and focusing on the things you do enjoy about staying at home will make each day a little brighter.